So many times moms have contacted me, saying my husband/partner has no idea what I go through every day being a mom, dealing with sleep deprivation, sometimes I feel that he doesn’t even see me. I just wanted to share a couple of recent experiences
from clients from a somewhat different perspective (from dad).
My bedtime routine started by me brushing my teeth down the hall, sneaking into bed where my wife and child were already asleep, trying desperately to be silent. My quality time with my daughter was limited to 10-15 minutes before she would scream for my wife. There was a feeling of helplessness. I couldn’t give my wife a break, I never slept, and I could feel the resentment building since my wife was basically raising our child by herself. I always thought having a kid would be tough, I I never expected my child to want nothing to do with me. My wife would try to tell me it was the breastfeeding and that she would eventually warm up to me. I thought my daughter hated me. It turns out she was just really tired.
We knew getting our daughter to sleep in her crib would be a huge help in allowing my wife and to sleep a bit more normally. We had no idea it would completely change the way our daughter acted not only toward me but overall. We had tried sleep consultants before and were not impressed. So needless to say, we were skeptical. We decided that we would give the old “college try.” We met Hannah and immediately felt at ease. Hannah has an infectious energy and her honesty made my wife and I feel much better about our decision to hire her. Within a week of implementing Hannah’s program, our daughter was sleeping through the night, in her crib, by herself. Not only that, our daughter started to prefer to do things with me. It was like overnight I was a dad! I am now the proud father of a daddy’s girl and I have Hannah to thank.
For the first 12 months, nine nights out of ten, I would wake up to my wife in our son’s room in the recliner. He was an awful sleeper. He was almost guaranteed to wake up every 2-3 hours and would not go back down without one of us in there with him. I’m pretty sure my wife spent more time in the recliner than in our bed. I had a few nights myself, but nothing compared to her. I don’t think we were both in our bed for more than half a night at all during that first year. It took a huge toll on both my wife and , physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Thankfully, my wife’s friend suggested a sleep consultant. I was skeptical, but the results have been incredible. For the last 7 months, my son has averaged 11 hours of sleep straight. He still has his off nights as any infant/toddler will, but by and large, he is down for the count. It has helped my wife become herself again.
The sleep consultant we hired is Hannah Peterson. Her website is http://www.atozsleepsolutions.com. She was a pediatric nurse previously. She will ask about naps, nutrition, routine, etc. She took our situation, came up with a plan, and changed our lives.
Nicholas Peterson (My Husband)
A couple of weeks ago, I had back to back days with overnight consults, and when I returned home, my husband was fast asleep. When I woke him up to let him know I was home, he proceeded to thank me for all that I have done with the kids. He said that he knows how much I put into the business, but also how much time I have spent putting into sleep coaching the kids so that I am not the only one that can put them down to sleep.
Because when we need our time alone or we have commitments that we can’t miss not only is our little one’s ability to be able to go to sleep so important but being able to do that with someone else is that equally important. And being able to communicate our routine and schedule to someone else (our husband/partners/babysitter/our moms) and they can follow it to success making it that much easier.
Just please think about the $1000s we spend on creating a nursery that our little ones don’t use as they have taken up residency in our rooms/beds. As well as the money we spend on doulas for birthing help, lactation consultants for breastfeeding support. So why can’t families get support for sleep, since sleep is a lifelong skill? Learning how to get our little one’s quality sleep is such an imperative skill for their overall health and ability to be able to function in life. Not to mention the money we spend on equipment, attempting to get our little ones to sleep (dock-a-tot at $200-300), swings, or the $300-600 we spend on a stroller or car seat. Knowledge is Power, so giving the ability to teach our little ones to self-settling and obtaining good quality sleep is not a physical item that our children will grow out, it will never need to be washed and clean, and it is not something that we will put up for sale on a Facebook group for a porch pickup.
To Mom: So, they may see us when we think they don’t, but sometimes they just don’t know what to do and don’t want to cross that imaginary line and feel like they are interfering with “our motherly instincts.” An open, honest dialogue with our significant others about how sleep is really affecting us is usually all it takes to change a husband that may be resistant at first to someone that comes out the other side changed as well. If you don’t know where to start, please reach out for a free 15 minute consult or chat with me live now on the website by clicking the chat box in the bottom right.